to sit through all the adverts, trailers for next year’s films, studio & chain logos and branding sequences, no smoking warnings and every other procrastinating insert at the cinema is, coincidentally, almost exactly the time it takes you to realise that you’re not that bothered about seeing the film after all. If you can even remember what it was you came to see. Rule #1327 in the book of alienating your customers: bore them to death with animations of your tired little logos while making them wait for the product.

Here’s a free clue for the studios: nobody will ever watch a film just because it was made by Universal (or Paramount, or whoever it was - like I fucking care). The only thing I would ever want to see of Universal is one of their executives face down in a trough of pig shit, gently expiring in a deeply ironic fashion. He who pays the piper should at least shut the fuck up while they’re playing.