of British Energy could leave Britain facing an energy crisis in ten years’ time as the current nuclear power plants reach the end of their lives. This represents an excellent opportunity to justify a large programme of investment in renewable, clean sources of energy (simultaneously reducing our reliance on imported fuels). So what will the country do now?

Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? We’re going to build more nuclear plants! Within ten years, we’ll have reactors based on new and untested technologies in every beauty spot in Britain (most of them in Wales, Scotland and the north, of course). After all, what is Windermere if not a giant source of coolant for a power plant? And if that isn’t sufficient, we’ll probably drop a bomb on Birmingham so that everyone can warm themselves around the irradiated remains.

After all, we know that no situation really becomes a crisis until we’ve done our best to make it into one: * Transport crisis? We’ll wreck the railways, push up costs and prices and then pump billions into new roads - on top of dismantled lines! * Important Earth Summit coming up? Hey, let’s invite the business leaders who got us into this mess along to help! If we give them more opportunities to make money, maybe they’ll clean up in gratitude. We can always cut costs by leaving the Environment Minister at home! * Privatised utilities going to the wall, needing bail outs from the taxpayer? Let’s privatise the Tube! Let’s have more PFI deals in the health system! * Middle East looking unstable? C’mon, we’ve got to help the Americans start a new war in the region! There’s no “crisis” until WW3 is underway!

I’m a rationalist, get me out of here…