Six rules for good guys in Bond movies:
- Don’t be the first woman Bond shags, as you are bound to die horribly and brutally a short while later. Although if you’ve just slept with a wrinkled smoothie wearing a fake tan and a safari suit, this might be preferable.
- Avoid accompanying Bond to carnivals and large crowded places where you can’t quite follow what’s going on. You’re bound to be quietly and efficiently killed by something mysterious you never saw coming, and die with a “huh?” look on your face.
- Don’t stand near water; it always contains something with sharp teeth and a man-sized appetite. Avoid bridges with hinges in the middle. Don’t even stand on the edge. If this is the pool: O …you should be, like, over here: <