As allied forces continue to press a massive humanitarian relief campaign in Afghanistan, Ethiopia and several other third world countries claimed that hunger and poverty were “no longer as severe as first thought”. The Ethiopian Interior Ministry released a statement which said that studies had proved that humanitarian relief required “no sharp or sudden increases” and efforts should “continue to be discreet and certainly not targeted in any form, please.” Specifically, “military assistance in delivering food and other essentials was not required.”

Told that the British Prime Minister had specifically singled out Africa in a recent speech as a continent requiring special measures to relieve suffering and inequality, N’bibi Malabi, a forty year old shopkeeper in the Ethiopian capital, said, “Oh god, why pick on us now?” as he frantically began excavating a bomb shelter behind his store. “There’s no oil here, you know!” he added, loading his children on to a neighbour’s truck that was headed for the border.