… from the fuel “crisis”:

“It is not the very poor and it is not the very rich. It is the people in the middle who feel aggrieved - just the sort of people we need to appeal to.” - Unnamed government minister

Normally, the people in the middle only exist to be squeezed by those on either side until they die of asphyxiation. After all, the “middle of the road” is where you most often find the sad, pink and white remains of dumb animals. But here in the UK, the mediocre, fair-to-middlin’ mass holds sway! The mob must be appeased! Sacrifice more principles to the mob!

It’s surprising that the film Gladiator did not lead to the revival of the Roman arenas here, particularly after the remains of a female gladiator found in London indicated that such places used to exist. I’m sure William Hague could make it the central plank of another “Back to the good old days” policy.