In the Guardian today, Alexis Petridis sneers at the new digital musicians union for urging artists to take control of their careers and embrace creative freedom. Apparently, it’s a well-known fact that record company interference guidance helps the talent to produce much better work than allowing them to “self-indulgently” pursue their own muse unchecked. Petridis backs this up by countering widely-recognised classics like Sergeant Pepper and What’s Goin’ On - produced respectively by one of the greatest pop bands and soul singers of a generation - with tawdry rubbish by giants like erm…Lauryn Hill and Finlay Quaye. Oh, and conjuring the faint spectre of Terence Trent D’Arby again (jeez, that clinches it).

He may be KBE now but to us, he’ll always be Bill Gates, Cunning Ubermeister of NT. It’s amazing the lengths to which some people will go to get Microsoft to fix their Windows problems. Presumably, Alan Cox righteously (and rightly) declined an honour. Because obviously, you’d rather offer one to a Briton who has selflessly dedicated tremendous time and effort towards improving and opening technology for the whole world instead of attempting to buy off some rapacious foreign mogul who seeks to overcharge your own public services for his proprietary products, wouldn’t you?

We look forward to next month’s kiss-ass recognition of Mark Chapman, another American who successfully fucked up British interests.

Some might say that’s my philosophy.

“Speed is not the major cause of accidents in this country. Dangerous driving and poor road design contribute more to death and injury. The other effect is that people are now so paranoid and fixated with cameras that they spend more time looking at the speedo than the road, and they are more likely to have accidents.” …said Brian Gregory of the Association of British Drivers, speaking about speed cameras. He added that speed cameras were a major source of CO2 emissions, caused cancer in lab rats, were sometimes used to take pornographic images of child abuse, played a leading role in the Kennedy assassination, robbed old ladies, constituted shocking phallic imagery that was offensive to women, roamed the streets in gangs vandalising parked vehicles, introduced BSE to this country, made illegal payments to MPs, spied for Al-Quaida, failed to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and that in 1999, a speed camera ran off with his wife. As spittles of foam began to run from the corners of his mouth, Mr Gregory was sedated for his own safety (but not before alleging that the injection was a form of stealth tax on his red blood cells).

The Association of British Drivers welcomes concerned motorists who often suffer from spittles of foam at the corners of their mouths. Please note any previous convictions for reckless driving on your application form, as this will help us to process your membership faster, faster, FASTER, go pussycat, go, kill, kill!!

Midland Compound No. 1000 & Evening Star, and how I feel about them in a museum.

Boat-spotting along Conwy beach. I think he called the second one “Dignity”.

There are two questions about choice of film that, when asked on any photography forum, are guaranteed to provoke mild tuts of irritation and some teeth-grinding among old hands (barring DPReview, whose readers will only laugh):

1. “What’s the best film?” [criteria unspecified]
2. “I use Brand X and am really pleased with its colour rendition, saturation and grain. Is there something else I should be using instead?” [beginner’s insecurity]

Indeed, some forum participants are now toothless, so often have they seen these questions (although they can still have a nasty bark, so don’t follow up with “which are better, zooms or primes?”).

This isn’t an answer to either, but since most beginners seem confused about which film to use and overwhelmed by the range of products, I thought I’d list the ones I generally stick with.

Some semi-abstract outdoor shots, from a photo expedition to North Wales last year. I always meant to create a dedicated gallery/story from the shots I took that day but sadly most of them turned out rather average.

What you get for loitering in graveyards at night.

Return of the King (pt. III of you-know-what) is a good movie but sadly, it’s not half as great as everyone says it is. It’s unlikely that it could be that good, unless it was an immersive virtual reality experience. Every review reminds BB of nothing so much as Oasis’ third album, when what was apparently a CD blessed by God and all His angels became a cocaine-dusted turd within three months of release.

Having finally satisfied three years of keen anticipation, BB left the cinema feeling somewhat deflated. It’s not even the best movie of the trilogy (although it may be once the extended version becomes available). Since we’d have no trouble picking Fellowship over Two Towers, which itself vastly improved on DVD, it may even currently be in third place. Perhaps we’ll think better of it on second viewing, when we’re not so intent on it matching our imagination to the perfect degree. The best things in it are Eomer and Eowyn, for taking down an oliphant each (with much less fuss than Legolas) and for sticking it to the witch king (formerly a top New Line exec). As for the rest: Shelob does not rewrite the book of “Realistically portrayed giant spiders”; and despite the promised tearfest, BB’s steely gaze pricked only when the newly crowned Aragorn and his subjects bowed before the hobbits. Neither Theoden’s death, Sam’s betrayal, Gollum’s dunking or the final moments on Mount Doom provoked any response beyond “yeah yeah, get on with it”.