Having endured Matrix Reloaded, I’m strongly less inclined to watch Matrix Revolutions. The fact that it features the Meringue-ian again, the comedy foreigner apparently modelled on Herr Flick (“of the Gestapo”), is already one strike against it. That it features Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss, is directed by the Wachowskis and has the word “Matrix” in the title is several more, as I have now developed an abhorrence of all these things. But at least I have had some fun from the film already, without spending any money.
BB can exclusively reveal that plans are already in hand for a fourth movie, and this one will feature Andy & Larry Wachowski as the stars. They will be seen gathered around the master of the first movie with their flies undone, laughingly gushing fresh urine all over the reels while in the background can be heard Joel Silver snorting coke off Carrie-Anne Moss’ ass crack as Keanu fellates him.*
…So basically a rehash of the second and third movies then. It’s expected to be popular with the fans, mainly for the Moss scenes.
Just for shits ‘n’ giggles, here’s a collection of MRev put-downs mostly culled from the relevant Slashdot thread. Not only did they give me a chuckle that I otherwise wouldn’t have got from the most recent films, but I also discovered most of the plot and thus have the option of saving some precious seconds of this existence, real or not.
Proof that we do not live in the Matrix:
In the Matrix, all three of the Matrix movies would have rocked.
“Give us your opinion of the movie,” they asked.
I replied, “How about this, I give you the finger, and you give me my $9.75 back.”
> “You can’t just review it. You have to realize… there is no movie.”
Yeah the reviewers are saying that too.
> … it ended up destroying all my faith in Hollywood
You had what in what?
“The Wachowski brothers have delivered a dud so disappointing, they may as well have bussed in Ewoks to save Zion” You mean it doesn’t end with Keanu Reeves waking up, turning to Alex Winter and saying “Bill, I just had a most excellent dream!”? Shame.
> Just got back from the 6:00am showing of the movie and I was pretty impressed.
You probably fell asleep 20 minutes into it and dreamed a better movie. It’s the only explanation.
* Some of these words are only here to pump up our Google hit rate.