. Skinny ties were all the rage then, weren’t they? What were they all about, as Stuart Maconie would say? Where did they come from? Whither did they go, or did they wither to nothing? You can’t buy ties that slim anymore, and I should know because I’ve tried - when you’ve worn a skinny tie, all other ties look like kippers to you forevermore.

It was a grey leather skinny tie too - combined with a large check shirt and casual jacket (sleeves pulled up, natch), I looked like the synth player in a minor pop band or, less charitably, one half of Black Lace (although I would like to state for the record that I never wore bright plastic-framed specs). In other words - I looked cool. (Piss off.)

Never more so than when playing air guitar on the floor of the sixth form disco. Remember, this was when heavy metal still existed and even occasionally charted. What on earth were we thinking? That the girls would say, “Hey, check out the cool dude playing that amazing imaginary guitar! I must take his virginity NOW!” Of course, playing air guitar and headbanging was one of the few moments in our lives when we were not thinking about girls. That was the point.

Still, the eighties…bury them with all haste and deny everything.